wrigley field is MILF paradise
this beer tastes like vomit already
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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