just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
