I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
