Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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