i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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