Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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