thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
