How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
