oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
