That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
