Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
