god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
