Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
