so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
