Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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