I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
