I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
