I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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