I faked an abortion last night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
