Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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