I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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