You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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