i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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