I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
