She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
