I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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