my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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