theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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