I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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