my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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