i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
