I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I want a musical about memes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
