If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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