he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
