At least make sure they are 18
Why
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didn't notice because vodka
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
