i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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