well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
