when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
