Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
