Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
