ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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