Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
