you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
