those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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