D3 body, D1 cock
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
