just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
