yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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