It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Someone signed my nipple.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
