i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
