So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
