don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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