Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
