..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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