I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
