he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
