Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
