so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
