I showed him my bush... on skype.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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