Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
