I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
