At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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